Remember Love And Loss

Happy Mother’s Day. Those words will be uttered thousands of times this weekend. Our children will show their appreciation to us and thank us for being such wonderful mothers, thanking us for loving them even when, at times, they weren’t so lovable.  Everyone, from family friends, to cashiers at the supermarket and even strangers, will wish us a happy Mother’s Day.  


To some of us though - The Other Mothers - these greetings rip the scab off our wounds. Who are The Other Mothers? We’re the mothers who have suffered the loss of a child.  We’re the ones who will not be celebrating this day in sync with the rest. 

We’re the ones who will wear a smiling mask on this holiday; we’ll wish you a Happy Mother’s Day in return and we will mean it.  We will most definitely mean it because we don’t want any other mothers to walk in our shoes. 


We may have other children, children whom we absolutely love and adore and would give our lives for. That is a given. Because we mourn our deceased child, that does not diminish the love that we have for our other child or children. 


However, on Mother's Day the heartbreak of the loss of that child is more acutely felt, although we feel this heartbreak every day.  We will be smiling on the outside while trying to quell the raging volcano of grief that is erupting on the inside as we fight with all of our being to prevent it from spewing forth and demoralizing everyone around us. We don't want that. 




What we do want is to have our child acknowledged and remembered. We want them remembered for the kind, caring, loving children that they were. Our children lived and were loved and are still loved. 


So if we happen to meet on this Mother's Day, please don't be afraid to acknowledge the day. It would be best of all if you  acknowledged our child, say his or her name and if you have any remembrances of them, this would be a nice time to say so.   You can't hurt us by talking about them. In fact, you can bet if you do talk about our child, you will see a genuine smile envelop our face and I know that will make us both feel good.   This is a day to enjoy our living children and a day to reminisce about our child who is no longer with us.  It is a day to be thankful that we were afforded the greatest gift of all, the joy of being someone’s mom.